Fuck you! [he said to the indifferent universe]
If I have offended you, please stop reading now. On a day when I received less than stellar news, the cuss words flew. Not much at first but the longer the day wore on, the saltier and easier the phrases spewed from my lips. There is no equivalent nice way to say what I felt. Kiss my ass came in a close second, but deep in my gut I needed to say Fuck YOU!
For those close enough to me, including my children, they know that I will occasionally say a “curse” word, but I like to find creative ways to use the English language to get my point across without being crude. But even then I leave the above expression alone because I have not found a polite way to express what that level of anger feels like when I need to say it. I can either say positively that I am guarded in my use of cussing or negatively I’m too polite. In both cases, I rarely say Fuck You out loud (even if I think it far more often).
I, however, let it rip today and will likely find a way to express my frustration and anger by using using it more frequently in the days and weeks ahead. I needed to vent my frustration and I did. Oddly, I thought running this afternoon would help me deal with the anger but mostly I circled the track cussing loud enough for my co-health enthusiasts to turn their heads to me as a ran by or they ran by me . . . with their earphones plugged in their ears. Three miles worth of cussing and I had reached some conclusions about why I felt so much anger. I do realize that anger expressed this way can harm growth, but today I needed it to sit deep in my psyche because there are no good ways to explain life sometimes. While I am not living with devastating news about my health or my family’s health or some other earth shattering news, I encountered a temporary roadblock from an unexpected place. There will be a way forward, as I often find in these circumstance, but today, this day, I needed to let my anger have a voice, an indignation.
Fuck you universe, I’m not done yet!